Momentarily, I am finding myself in a position of uncertainty. At twenty-four years old, I am facing the pressures of “having my life together.”

I have told myself time and time again that I should know by now what I would like to do for a career. I should have been married already, and have started to bear children like many of my peers. Always doubting if my life is conforming to the norm. My parents are surely worried that their daughter will never find her way. I may be stuck in a revolving door, forever. Never once to actually step inside the building that stands in front of me. My current boyfriend probably shares the same fears. Do I blame them? No. Do I wish they could see the reasoning behind my actions? Yes. Although, they almost never will. I have previously expressed, fellow readers, how I have struggled with depression for quite a long time. Maybe constantly seeking the light has something to do with my apparent impulsivity towards happiness. I thought it bothered me. I thought I was unstable, broken, and clearly mislead. It is not me though, it is others. Their route to happiness is simply… different. I used to believe that being so opportunistic was a flaw. In reality, it is one of my greatest assets. Passion oozes from my pores, like a slime that I cannot shake off. There are so many different things that have the ability to ignite within me. When someone, like me, has to battle every single day for overall contentment… they should be allowed to enjoy anything and quite possibly everything that may bring them even an ounce of bliss. Fighting my mind is not necessarily a curse, but rather has shown me that it can be a blessing. It has made me realize that there are not many people who say they find joy in even the smallest of things. Appreciation for something as simplistic as a pen and paper, does not even phase them. On the other hand, for me, it can spark even the dullest of embers. I am, unapologetically, me.

Attempting to treat my life just like the gumball machine pictured above. No matter the color received, the outcome shall remain the same. It is inevitable that I will experience the satisfaction of chewing on a gumball, but the color will always remain inconsistent. I can try over and over again to get the color I desire most, but I will ultimately lose that sense of gratification. Here lies six gumballs in my hand, all of which could have been eaten over a span of five minutes prior. Choosing to look past the purpose and simply waiting on something that had already come.

Why?

Life brings many colors. Most of which, we all may not prefer. We are living, however. That is truly the missed and undervalued point of it all. Looking past what we were truly given, to seek something that has been with us all along. Changing from job to job; passions zigzagging so quickly that they blur; relationships ending as fast as they had begun? That, my friends, is all a part of the beauty of your own gumball machine. May I remind you, that it is yours. No matter how it looks to others, your gumballs will always keep the same purpose. They will always end up giving you satisfaction in the end. Enjoy your colors, embrace your colors, and never envy the colors of others.

Slip in your temporary investment, and enjoy a permanent guarantee: happiness.

Until next time,

Lo.