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Bricks

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They say I’m not the same.

But who was I to them?

Did I know her?

Did I truly know her then?

Is it fair, to compare

a past life to the present?

Progress is not definitive.

Failures just mean I’ll win again.

I’ve been my own wolf in this fairy tale.

I knocked every house down.

I pointed fingers and forgot my own.

Think smarter not harder, they say.

Well, I cut far too many corners that way.

Do you claim the life you’ve built?

How heavy is your shame?

How heavy is your guilt?

It’s time to find your bricks.

Start with one, then continue on…

Your life isn’t a race.

It’s trial and error…

a loaded concept you can finally embrace.

I’ll be building this home until the day I die.

I can say I’ll have it finished, but we all know that’s a lie.

Second Star

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Why do you come back to me?

There’s a clear lack of consistency.

I try with you, and I fail.

We make plans, but to no avail… 

You raise my hopes just to shut them down.

I tell myself it’ll happen… next time around.

Why do you come back to me?

There’s a clear lack of consistency.

I’ve given you the benefit of the doubt…

just to get caught in the drought.

Here I am, always waiting for the rain…

knowing I have it all to lose, and nothing to gain.

Missing you is never easy.

Wishing now that you’d free me…

Why do you come back to me?

There’s a clear lack of consistency.

I blame my own desperation.

I blame needing validation.

Leave it to my damned imagination…

I thought you were different,

refreshing, and significant.

But why wouldn’t I? 

You overflowed me with lies.

Telling me that we had a chance;

forgetting to mention that it’s in Neverland.

You’ll never grow up, my sweet Peter Pan.

Yet here I am, still wanting to take your hand.

Second star on the right;

I’d still get lost with you, on any night.

Even though it’s hard for me to face…

the harsh reality that is our fate:

you come back just to leave me…

perhaps that is consistency.

Sorry

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I’m sorry for the way you forgot your worth.

I’m sorry for all the pain I wouldn’t cure.

I’m sorry I always told you “it could be worse.”

And I’m sorry that you’ll never say these words.

_________

You had me walking on a tight rope.

And just when I learned to balance,

you cut it in half, with such purposeful malice.

You had me wear a tight rope.

And when I learned to breathe more and panic less,

you tied it tighter around my neck.

Either way, you wanted me to fall.

Fall, fall down to my death.

_________

I’m sorry for all the weight you gained.

I’m sorry that mentally wasn’t enough; I needed a physical change.

I’m sorry I felt you were beneath me, and chose to show you all the ways.

And I’m sorry you couldn’t say sorry, even on a good day.

_________

You had me driving a rigged car.

And when I learned how to stay on track,

you shut off my brakes and revved the gas.

You had me sitting in a rigged car.

And just when I started to appreciate the views,

you’d swerve and take them away too.

Either way, you wanted me to crash.

Crash; rid of me at last.

_________

I’m sorry for all the nights I left you to cry.

I’m sorry I chose to drink instead, and make you wonder why.

I’m sorry I deleted all the messages, and continued to lie.

And I’m sorry you’ll never feel sorry, no matter how hard you “try.”

_________

The cruelest part is that I’m free from you now,

but with every day that passes, I have to fight to heal.

You left me so damaged, and so broken,

that now I beg to question if a person’s kindness is real.

Had I known I was on death row,

I would’ve at least asked for a last meal.

Walk Away

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Pregnancy insomnia? Found a solution.

Just like the last poem, the first four lines came to me in a soft ballad-like tune. I think my baby is bringing out the musical side in me lately! Unlike the last poem, however, I sang every word while I wrote this one. It is intended to be a song, and a comforting one at that. I hope you enjoy this beautiful, and incredibly relatable, piece.

Cheers!

Baby, walk away with me.

It’ll be the last thing we do together.

Baby, walk away with me.

Promise it’ll all get better.

___

I’m just tired of the fights,

all the sleepless nights,

questioning who’s right,

and those painful cries.

___

Once, you were my best friend.

Thought I’d be your partner ’till the end.

Our love was something others couldn’t comprehend.

And when we fell, I rose to defend.

___

Baby, walk away with me.

It’ll be the last thing we do together.

Baby, walk away with me.

Promise we’ll both be better.

___

I’m just tired of the lies,

and all the empty whys,

questioning our tries,

and losing what was mine.

___

Once, we shared the best laughs.

We could be ourselves; no masks.

Our love was so strong, thought for sure that it would last.

And when I sank, you were my life raft.

___

Baby, walk away with me.

It’ll be the last thing we do together.

Baby, walk away with me.

Promise you’ll find another.

___

Our time has come for goodbye.

I’m scared if we wait any longer,

we’ll leave hating one another.

Let’s walk away out of love.

Let’s walk away with our trust.

Let’s walk away… it’s a must.

___

Baby, walk away with me.

Let me give you one last kiss before I leave.

Baby, walk away with me.

We’ll be better for this…

For this…

I believe.

The Water

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I’d like to take a second and talk about my current situation. Most people have wondered why I stopped writing/releasing poems. Well, I found out I was pregnant with my miracle baby, back in August of 2021. My son, Bear, will be in my hands come this April (2022). It’s been a tough road to navigate, pregnancy wise, as I am venturing on this journey alone. I had to stop writing for a while, and truly focus on my mental well-being, for the sake of my child. I’m just now starting to write again, and it’s a beautiful thing. I’m proud of myself for the choices I’ve made, and the ones I will continue to make. Thank you to the strangers who have continued to send me notifications of likes on old poems. Each one is a pick-me-up like no other. I am forever grateful to my readers, my supporters. 

This poem was written in under fifteen minutes tonight. The first four lines came to me, in a melody, before I took a shower the other day. I sent a voice recording to my sister, who graciously told me that the tune was now stuck in her head. I also sent her this poem as soon as I finished it tonight. She’s always read my work and responded, but never with a FaceTime call. She said she wanted me to see her face, because that’s how much she loved it. She fully understood the message in this poem, and I think as a writer, that’s all we could really ask for. I mentioned how long it took me to write this, because it’s a reminder to myself that poetry is second nature to me. It’s my home and my escape… all in one. I hate that I had to walk away for a while, but I think my return is even more powerful and meaningful than before.

Cheers to my own timeline. Cheers to my writing.

Most importantly, cheers to all of you.

Enjoy.

I came to terms with the water,

and how you left me to drown.

I came to terms with the water,

‘cause I swam myself around.

______

I watched you leave on your boat.

And sail away with my love and all my hope.

Incomplete, yet set free.

How’d I let you get this hold on me.

______

I came to terms with the water,

and the current that you formed.

I came to terms with the water,

‘cause I was all I needed, and more.

______

I’ll never forget the water’s pull,

as it tried to suck me under.

I’ll never forget your smile,

your pure amusement, or your wonder.

______

I came to terms with the water,

and the sharks swimming at my side.

I came to terms with the water,

‘cause in the end, it wasn’t fear that kept me alive.

______

They waited just like you, 

for a drop of blood or two.

I never once gave in,

and let you all stay in suspense.

______

I came to terms with the water,

and how I made it my friend.

I came to terms with the water,

as I’m bound to swim in it again.

Hope You Have a Day

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I feel so misrepresented.

False facts, they’re never ending.

You’ve only scratched my surface;

now you think you’re perfect?

Know me? You know “of” not “because.”

And that right there was the death of us.

See you soon? No, see you never.

You dumbed me down, surprise bitch, I’m clever.

All I wanted was for you to ask, to listen…

instead you chose to be silent, distant.

What’s going on in your brain?

Thinking about it just makes me more drained.

Get lost, not found.

I’m better off when you’re not around.

Being next to you now seems daunting.

Your smirk and harsh eyes are forever haunting.

I just hope you can respect my space.

And by space, I mean to stay away.

The 23rd

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You were a beautiful distraction. 

One filled with many misleading interactions. 

I wish I could, as you so graciously state it, say less.

However that’s just not how I am. Perhaps, for the best.

To you, there’s dating and a dating phase.

Please explain, as I thought they were the same.

Your chivalry was strong, and your words were sweet.

Moving fast, you swept me off my feet.

You had me by your smile, and by your eyes.

Maybe I’m mistaken, but I thought I also had you with mine.

I changed my rules for you, nearly every expectation. 

Imagine my surprise when you repaid me with hesitation. 

You say it’s nice to be important, and important to be nice.

With how you’ve been lately, maybe you should repeat that last line, twice.

All I need from a man is respect and attention.

If that’s more than you can offer, perhaps you need some self reflection.

Here I am remembering Marley, as I channel my inner Swift.

No woman, no cry, as I continue to write down my relationship bullshit. 

Penny for your thoughts, but a dollar for mine. 

Yes, it’s your loss. Better luck next time. 

Shot of Serotonin

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I saw you, standing tall behind the bar.

Lady after lady leaned over the counter.

All of them as eager as I was to have a drink…

a drink, made by you.

I couldn’t seem to wedge myself into the line.

I tried, like a fool, to get you to notice me.

In no way was I as striking or assertive as them.

So, I accepted my loss in the back of the room.

There I was, standing alone, with a water in my hand.

Never had I felt so out of place.

Men came my way, and yet, I turned them all away.

It seemed you’d had as many empty conversations as I had.

There we were, both drowning in bottles of false flattery.

As the night came to a close, and all the people began to leave,

I finally caught you glance over at me.

That was my cue, and it was time for me to go.

As I searched for my keys in the bottom of my purse,

I saw you wave hello.

Instinctually, I tilted my head down and blushed.

As I made my way to the door, I heard your voice.

A tone mixed with masculinity and suaveness.

You yelled for me to wait, and that I did.

Before I knew it, you stood before me.

You asked for my name and how I was doing.

There I was, completely sober, yet getting tipsy.

It may have taken until the end of the night, but you still managed to pour me a drink.

A shot of serotonin, exactly what I’d need.

Twin Flame

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From the moment we met, we could feel the pull.

An uncontrollable magnet, bound to make our hearts full.

Within minutes we were kissing,

having never known what our hearts were missing.

We get lost in one another’s eyes.

As if it were our souls’ way of saying hello and goodbye.

We fell so quickly, so intensely.

Never taking a moment to catch our breath.

The more I saw you, the more I saw my reflection.

Every mistake, every trauma, every imperfection.

I became nervous and afraid,

with no one but myself to blame.

Facing your demons is never easy,

but together we could find their deeper meanings.

Embark on a journey of self discovery.

Know there’s always a safehaven in our friendship when things get tough.

I aspire to be better, as do you.

I aspire to be loved, as do you.

I aspire to be healed, as do you.

We don’t need to be together to admit that’s the truth.

As we watch each other leave, we promise to support.

I’ll gladly stand in your corner, never ever forced.

For what it’s worth, I wish you well on your path.

You’ll always have a home with me; no strings attached.

Aura

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If I had to name your colors,

I’d go with sage, navy, and maroon.

Peaceful, moving, and loving,

Exactly how I’d describe you.

Sage, used to cleanse and restore positivity.

With you, I speak freely of my traumas,

without judgment; without hate.

I’m coming clean, and you make it all sound better.

If only you burned with me forever.

Navy, representing the darkest of oceans.

The vastness of the unknown frightens most,

but those who matter, know the beauty underneath.

Like the waves, you need motion and freedom.

If only you’d let me sail on your waters.

Maroon, for your overworking heart.

Consistently giving, awaiting reciprocation.

I hope you know, the right one will come and take the pain away.

They’ll remind you how it feels to be safe and loved.

If only you realized that they were me.

If I had to name your colors,

I’d go with sage, navy, and maroon. 

Peaceful, moving, and loving.

I wouldn’t change a thing.