Life with Lo

Not a millimeter of dust on these films.

They’re playing at all hours,

and refuse to be put aside.

It’s as if they have a mind of their own;

with a deeply disturbing and morbid tone.

I hear people call them ideations.

I call them compulsive desires.

Ironically, it’s the last thing I desire.

However, the Projector does.

Can you imagine spending a day in my brain?

Repeatedly visualizing all the ways you can depart this life?

It’s not just a blip or fleeting thought.

No, no.

The Projector would find that far too easy.

It’s collected the most brutal and thorough films.

All so gruesome, they’d make the toughest queasy.

What a vast collection.

You name it, I’ve got it, and I saw it.

I can’t escape.

Now tell me, would you feel insane?

I don’t.

I feel controlled.

Past traumas are heavily dominating.

You’re surprised that I’m self deprecating?

I’m fighting for survival.

I feel electrocuted in my fingertips every time the Projector plays.

I’ve tried sensory tools to combat the severity.

Needless to say, 

it only adds to the sensation of barbarity.

Why can’t I set these films ablaze?

Drown them in gasoline 

and walk away?

I’ve asked myself this question for years.

It either teases feelings of being crazy or brings me to tears.

I’m trapped in the cycle.

I’m a prisoner to the Projector,

and I’ve realized I’ll never be released.

No amount of therapy or medication 

has been able to sedate the beast.

He’s here.

He’s playing.

He’s a part of me.

If you don’t like horror,

I suggest you step away.

I’m an R rated film 

with every thought of the day.

God have mercy on my soul.

The consistency of these films have taken their toll.

I’ll pay a million to the one who can shut Him off for good.

I don’t even have that much,

but I’d owe you till I die.

If you shut Him off,

I feel like I’d stand a chance

and live longer once I’m broken from His trance.

Up for a challenge?

You’ve met the ultimate competitor.

Good luck to you and good luck to me.

We’ll see who comes out,

victoriously.