I never thought I’d write a farewell poem to you, but here I am.

I hope you know I don’t hold any anger,

not a shred of resentment.

It was just you and I, for the longest time.

I knew the darkest parts of your life and you knew mine.

I also partook in the brightest, as did you.

I believe the intimacy of it all is what kept us so close.

–

How is it that even the thickest of ropes burned so quickly?

As if we both struck a match on either end, and simply forgot.

You knew in your heart that we were drifting, and I don’t want you to tell yourself otherwise.

I knew in mine.

I knew it was almost time.

–

I could see it in your eyes.

The jealousy, the despair; the hidden madness within…

You would verbally address it on accident from time to time, a little slip of the tongue.

I could see it in your smile.

One so forced, one so unhappy, and one just for the photos.

It killed me, slowly but surely.

I’d get off the phone and my husband would know.

I’d have a gut punch to the chest and I couldn’t hide it.

I felt guilt and shame for not being the one to make you happier.

I couldn’t fix it.

I couldn’t fix you.

–

This genuine soul I’d known for so long, was deeply hurting.

I was the cause of the damage.

Unfortunately, all I was doing was living my life. 

I thought you’d be happy for me.

I went through hell and back to find this path. 

I experienced the worst betrayals, heartaches, violations… you name it.

But now?

Now I’m finally at peace.

Why?

Why couldn’t you display an ounce of true joy for your oldest and closest friend?

–

I tried to be sympathetic and collected.

I revisited your past and could explain your behavior away. 

I ended up excusing your behavior so much, that I was oblivious to my own suffocation. 

My words were spent on you.

My breath was spent on you.

I was dying.

It was the most painful realization of my life that the person I held closest to my heart was nothing more than dead weight.

Crushing my soul every chance she got.

–

I wasn’t allowed to do better, to have better, to be better.

You wouldn’t allow it.

You’d pretend, but I knew.

You forgot that I knew you.

–

I know every eye twitch to eye roll.

I know every sarcastic low blow.

I know the undertones of your conceit.

I know the deceptions, and the cracks 

in the media they can’t see.

I know you.

I know the good.

I know the bad.

I know it all.

I loved it all.

I still love you.

–

Whether you’ll believe that or not, I’m no longer sure.

However, it remains true.

I can love something or someone even if it holds no value.

I can pray and wish them well, even if they’re far away.

I don’t mean to cause you harm and I definitely don’t want to see any come your way.

–

But, my love, it’s time.

I ask you to face the mirror.

To wonder why this is a recurrent theme.

To want to heal the parts of yourself you refuse to see.

I can only imagine that after that,

you’ll be the friend I knew you to always be.

–

I say this with the purest love.

You no longer serve purpose in my life.

You no longer contribute to my growth and wellbeing.

The negativity simply became all too consuming.

–

I will not delete your photos.

I will not block your number or delete your messages.

I will not erase your impact.

I will sit quietly,

in the nosebleeds of the bleachers,

cheering you on.

You’ll never see me,

but I’ll continue to see you.

I’ll continue to root for you.

–

When you’re healed…

Man…

What a beautiful person you’ll be.