I haven’t written in a while.

I go to work as one person and manage to come home another. My deeply rooted personality shines for about nine to ten hours a day, and then it simply fades. I no longer have to smile for anyone, and I can shed a tear if I need to. Life hits, and when it does, it impales. No one would be able to tell how drained I am from day to day. Mentally speaking, exhaustion has never taken such a toll. Battling my own mind, as if the war was in my favor. It appears that it never is, nor ever will be. Sunshine appears in my window in the morning, and I find myself asking how or why.

Living with purpose. I tell myself that. May be ridiculous to some, but it has apparently done the trick. The present may be dark, but the future is bright. Just like that rising sun, it came after the night before. The night where I laid in bed questioning if I even mattered. Then, I wake, to knowing I survived…and there had to be a reason for it.

I belong to someone, something greater, and my doubts and anxieties serve as temporary reminders that I can push through.

Barely a single soul knew that these past few months, I contemplated having an unfortunate outcome. Here I was, trying to write out what I’ve been through and how I was struggling to overcome it all. Thinking it was a way of healing.

It was. As soon as I stopped writing, the negativity began its suffocation. This. This is a part of my purpose. Writing is my outlet, and I should have never taken a break. My book, Norman, is awaiting my fingertips to grace its empty pages. Not only does it deserve to be placed on a shelf and shared one day, but I deserve to allow my creativity to escape the gated chambers of my mind. Fighting is something I may never be able to stop doing, but at least I know there are ways to win.

A part of my journey, and this blog that I am so openly sharing with all of you, is about facing the brutal truths of life. I may face the day with my best foot forward and come home at night as if I took five steps backwards.

That is okay. It is okay. I will be okay.

Apparently, I just need to make my days a little longer. Just like those summer nights, I will optimize my sunshine as long as possible. Embracing the transition into darkness, until one day I appreciate the calming breeze that comes with it. I once wrote that my fire will continue to burn beneath the stars. It will. Fires are meant to last through dreadful nights, and so will I.

Until next time,

Lo.